i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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