the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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