I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
