how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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