i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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