i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
