All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
