it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
