Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
