im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
