Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Michael Bay diarrhea
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
