why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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