She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
