Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
