I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
