he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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