DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
