you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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