I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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