Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You're like the curious george of whores
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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