at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
