every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
