love makes seman taste better
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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