the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
