Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
