Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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