she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will be naked everywhere
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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