I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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