this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
