You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Found the puke drawer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
