it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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