there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will be naked everywhere
He better not be in your backpack
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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