i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
