Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
