Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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