I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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