Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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