My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Operation Purity has been aborted
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
