He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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