now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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