I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
