I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
