Non-Jews are for practice
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
where am i from again
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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