New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
