Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
