last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
handjob tips. give me some.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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