I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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