I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
