I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
