The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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